It Seemed Good To Me!

[jhenderson]

The other day I was rooting around in a dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly and discovered a case of single-wrapped ground beef patties. Upon reaching my double-wide trailer, my live-in girlfriend, Jenna Talwarts, and I opened the case and were more than a little gleeful to discover that the meat was fresh despite the expiration date indicating last December. In minutes the mouth-watering smell of ground beef sizzling in four-day old hog fat wafted thoughout the trailer park, inciting several residents to show up at the front door requesting entrance. Jenna and I were not fooled: these people only showed up when they thought something was free in the offering, or during a police raid. Of course, we locked the door and pretended not to be home though both our bikes were parked in the front yard. We're not stingy, mind you, and once Jenna win custody of her five kids they'll need something to eat. As I jiggled with the box that enabled us to receive free cable, Jenna fixed me a plate of two triple-pattie burgers handpressed with light bread and a big tomato which Jenna had liberated from a neighbor's garden three weeks ago. Yum yum yum! You better believe it. In retrospect the meat did have a rather unique taste to it, similar to a Wendy's burger that had rolled across the floor more than once and accidentally stepped on by a large shoe individual who didn't watch his step when crossing through a cow pasture. All was going well, great actually: Jenna's former employer had decided not to press charges against her for the Direct Cable box that suddenly turned up missing at his house. And the mail revealed that the red-and-purple dots on my hinny wasn't what I thought it was, thank God, though I would still need counseling and a slew of prescription medicine. As I said, all was going well--but then, around two in the morning, Jenna and I both had a sudden and pressing need to visit the bathroom. A double-wide trailer doesn't have double toilets. Being the genleman I am, I told Jenna she could go first, and "Hurry the heck up!" The explosions erupting from behind the bathroom door ignited something in my own guts, forcing me to grab the whole roll of paper napkins and making a beeline for the backdoor. There, in the dark, at the base of a sycamore tree, bent over and praying that the agony would soon end, I got to thinking about that tomato Jenna had borowed from our neighbor. It had to have been rotten. An hour later I walked back into the trailer wearing only my shirt. I would burn the clothes I left when the sun came up. Jenna, still inside the bathroom, hollered that our suffering was due to the meat. Wait a minute, I need to visit the tree again...and will finish this later.

[Owner]

HA!HA!HAHA!HA!HAHA!HA!HAHA!HA!HA!

[packrat]

That was funny lol keep them coming

[Doug]

You mean that neighbor's tomatoes were bad?????? No wonder my kid got ill.